Friday, August 16, 2013

I Should Live on the Couch.

Just stopping by to tell you that life it hard. I am not talking about work, paying bills, finding a job etc. Those are on a completely different level (on the level of adult struggles).
I am talking about life as in walking and breathing.


I didn't tell you this, but when I first got my crutches, I went to the store and got groceries. I was all prepared with my backpack and all - and managed to get through the store without major issues. As I was about to pay, I pulled my cart closer and rammed one of the wheels right into my toe.

Fortunately, not the wheel itself hit me, but the sharp metal thing that holds it hit right under my toenail. I am as surprised as you are that I didn't cry in public. Nobody could tell, because I stayed absolutely cool.


I was convinced I had lost my nail and was bleeding all over the floor. Luckily, I didn't. 10 seconds after, I tried to squeeze everything I bought into my backpack and cut my finger on the pizza box. Cutting yourself on paper is bad, but a cardboard cut is something else. So I am limping home, on my crutches, with a swollen toe and a bleeding finger.

What is wrong with me?!

I buy apples and instead of putting them away, I throw the whole bag into the garbage. Which leaves me wondering on the next day (!!) where I could have possibly put them - and then all of the sudden, I remember. So I must be conscious while I do those things!


Please tell me that you do this, too! Lie, if you have to, I don't mind.

Sometimes, it takes me minutes to put on my coat, or take it off. You wouldn't believe how often I had to cut off my hair, because it got caught up in my hair brush, the blow dryer, hair bands, necklaces, or ear rings. I have dropped so much food. It's shameful and I have extended the 3 second rule to 30 seconds to avoid lots of waste.

I remember already having issues with this when I was 6 or 7 years old and on a field trip with my class. We each had a "bank account" with our principal. Every student had 50 D-Mark (I really miss that currency!) in his or her account from the parents and we could make a withdrawal every morning, if we wanted to. I saved all my money to buy presents for my family on the last day. Except for 1.50 DM. I took 1.50 DM for myself and bought ice cream. 3 balls of coffee flavored ice cream. And I dropped them right in front of the store. And no, I didn't get a new one.
Hold on to your ice cream people, or it will scar you forever - and decades after it happened, you will tell random people on the internet about it.

Another time, I saved up Haribo and other candy treats for a long trip with my dad and oldest brother to pick up our brand new camper. I am guessing that I was about 10 years old. All my candy was locked in my pink little treasure box that even had a little padlock on it. I had the most delicious things in there! Coca-cola flavored Haribo (!!), sour-cherry gummy candy, bubble gum, every sugary deliciousness imaginable all saved up for this long special car ride ... and I forgot the key at home. It was traumatic. Since that day, I have only taken plastic bags of candy with me wherever I go. Never ever lock your candy in. Just trust me on this one.

Ja, that's exactly what it felt like.

I just don't know if I should be happy about this or concerned, because I have plenty of forgetting, falling, dropping, struggling... memories from my childhood. At least, it seems like I haven't changed too much and it is probably not dementia. So that's a plus. I just never had control over what my head, feet, or hands are doing.

Just now, I got up to grab a Flutschfinger and when I came back into the living room, I hit my food so hard on the doorway that I am certain at least 9 toes are broken.

I think for the next 80 years, I should just live on the couch and not try to walk anywhere. So if you are looking for me, that's where I will be.

Happy weekend everyone!

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